Story of You and Me - Part 2
In part 1 you read till Childhood of Maansi, real story continues further.......
The Shock Wave:
Maansi
as a girl was too ambitious to be put in social chains, she always wanted to
fly high and make a mark. But " Being an Indian Girl Born in a Typical
Middle Class Family in UP" after
completing her PGDCA while she was just
23 years old she was married in August
1993 to a Meerut based army officer in CISF, a government employee.
Just
after one month of her marriage, her father in law was no more and this added
responsibility of the complete family on her husband's shoulders, the only earning member of the family comprising of her mother in law and
uncle in law.
The
In laws were a very traditional and orthodox family . Her husband while leaving
for his job posting where he was posted in CISF asked his mother to take Maansi
along with him. The dominating Mother in law who was barely in her 50s, said in
reply I have married my son, now why
should I cook, who will take care of us if Maansi goes with you? She was also not
ready to leave her Meerut home and shift with the son who was on postings on
and off across India. Her Husband - 'The Mumma's Boy ' did not take any
stand for his wife as he left for his posting leaving the newly married Maansi
behind in Meerut as his mother wanted.
Maansi
being the only daughter in law of the family was made to stay with her in laws
family in Meerut House Number 286, as if she was married to House Number 286 and not to a Man.
As
if marriage was her license for life-long slavery of her In laws, for serving the
In-laws, cooking garam chapptis for
them basically 2 members mother in law and uncle in law who could not take care
of them as their son was now married,as per them 'Bahu is a servant figure', it's her duty to cook, clean and hear to
all the no sense non sense, ill accuses and tantrums from her husband's family
members and be there where they live to serve them.
Maansi's Parents:
A
newly married highly educated post graduate bride with the aims and ambitions
of flying high was now a cook, a cleaner and a house maid living without her
husband for whom she left her parents, her home and came to new city
and a new house.
Nonetheless
she accepted this also and was silently living with her in laws happily
performing her so called duties to the best of her ability.
But
as if this was not enough, one or the other time Maansi's father was called to Meerut from Modinagar and was complained
for his daughter by her In laws,
"Your daughter does not do
this, she does not cook well, she does not make round paranthas, she takes her own decisions, aapne apni beti ko diya hi kiya hai ,you
didnot give us TV.........."
But
the ShravanKumar Husband would utter
no word and her father was insulted in every possible way. One fine evening after all this dramas when
it was 11.30 pm in night, her father could find no transport to reach Modinagar
and had to walk all way from Meerut to Modinagar in freezing cold but In laws
did not have the courtesy to ask him to stay home or even drop him to his home,
this was shocking for Maansi and she was
broken.
But
as it goes here, Girls parents cannot say anything, if they speak it's a clear breakage of marital ties for their
daughter as in this case The Boy - The Husband is not taking any stand for her
wife and protecting the respect of her wife and In laws family. Teaching is
such that if he speaks anything he is not a good son, it is disrespect for his
parents and it is indecent to speak in between elders, how cruel and
unjustified may be the behaviour, such is the upbringing and thought process. Legal
Laws look good in law books and Court decisions are good to be made but cannot
be implemented in practical life in society, if anybody tries to do, it is
clear indication ' Marriage is going to be broken' - an unending suffering for
the lady.
Maansi still adjusted with her In laws to
protect her marriage and was living in Meerut House Number 286.
Alone Struggle Begins:
Within
a year of marriage she was blessed by a baby
boy Chinmay and was enjoying the pleasure of motherhood. One fine day a
postman came with an interview letter for the faculty position of subject
Management Information Systems from IPM Management
Institute where she had applied long back. After taking
due permission from her In- Laws, she went for the interview and was selected.
It was an urgent opening and they wanted her to join the institute the very
next day. She was not mentally prepared with
a little infant in her lap how to join the job and take care of the baby but
still took bold decision to join the job in 1994.
There
was No Support from In Laws, only expectations of Duties of a Bahu, no Responsibilities of a Dadi ( Grandmother).
"When Chinmay was small, I used to
carry him to the management institute. It was the director of my institute , Mr.
Vikas Verma who supported me in my tough time . When I used to work for late
hours in the institute, he used to look after my elder son Chinmay, holding him
in his lap." - quotes Maansi as she struggles
with her life.
She joined there as computer faculty
for about 3 years and simultaneously also complete her MBA from the same
institute where she was teaching. Her
husband was supportive of her studies and working as independent woman but no support in family
chaos expect being the Bread Earner.
Now
Chinmay, her son grew 3 years old and she got him admitted to a school. The real challenge came now, as it was quite
difficult to leave the 3 years old child for the whole day at home where no one
was ready to look after him, finding no support at home and by family. One fine
day she took another bold decision to
leave her high paying job at Management Institute.
It affected her family financial
condition and within a span of 3 months, she had to look out for a job again to
support the expenses of the family. Then she thought to join a school so that
could take care of Chinmay's studies. She applied as a computer faculty in a
school and everyone including the School Principal was surprised at her
decision to switch over from a Management School to a Primary school teacher
where the perks where just 1/5 of the management institute. Salary downfall was
from Rs. 15000 to just Rs. 3500.
She joined
the school and later brought Chinmay to the same school and now life was little
comfortable. After a period of 6 yrs she was again blessed with her second son
Uday.
"After
2 months of Maternity Leave, I left for school for the first day after leave
leaving my little son Uday at home. In the evening when I returned I was
taunted by my mother in law saying " Take your son with you we will not clean his poti
...."
She
ignored it thinking it was just a light joke but the very fine morning next day
when Maansi was leaving for the school, her mother in law shouted " Suna nahi
tha kiya, apna bacha saath le jana hum nahi rakhenge" ( Take your son with you I told you
yesterday, we would not take care of your son)
As there was no support
from the family she started taking both her sons to school. She would leave the
younger one Uday at home of her colleague in school campus where his wife would
look after the little kid ' Uday'.
It
was a crucial time but no support from In laws and Husband, only unending
demands. Finances in the home were not so great so she had to continue earning
taking care of home, school and two little kids all by herself. Alas! Life does
not come with roses around and new challenge came for her when she came to know
that the school campus where she was working is being demolished and all staff
members have to leave the campus within a month.
Wife's Angle:
As usual role was husband was just a bread earner who would
visit as Guest twice a year on holidays and go back least concerned
about taking her and his sons with him. The children would miss their father, wanted
to spend time with him but had no choice. It was a punishment for children to
be away from father and be in Meerut. They also wanted to go for an evening
walk, picnic, spend time with their father. Eventually both sons grew up and
learnt to live without him, having little affection or connection with father.
"It was heart filling when I see
husband wife and kids of my colony going for a evening walk. I simply keep
myself busy in evenings taking tuitions and supporting family. Buying milk and
grocery for family makes my evening walk. " - says Maansi with tears in her eyes.
Time
passes by, with both kids growing it was time to teach both children. More
financial burden was added so Maansi started taking tuition classes in the
evening along with her regular day job to support family's increasing expenses.
Tough Learning Saviour:
Maansi
is a tough woman who made her mark in spite of thorny bushes all around. She completed her M.Sc in Mathematics and B.Ed
while working in School and was promoted
to secondary class mathematics teacher. She
is now Mathematics teacher working with a reputed CBSE school Dayawati Modi
Academy past 19 years. Though being a teacher was not her passion, but she is
content and happy being in this profession now. She explores her creative style and converts
adversity into an opportunity.
The Next Flight:
With
her dedicated efforts Chinmay, her elder soon was selected as a cadet of
National Defence Academy in 2012. After sending him for training she was quite
free to fly high so Maansi thought to take a flight again, explore her life and
learn something.
She started writing for
Google Content Writing online and got exposure in various fields.
Gradually
she thought of writing some books and now Maansi is a writer too, she write and
composes various mathematics books for different publications.
'Life goes on, I want to fly
high........ ' she
smiles as she progresses for her next flight.
Message from Maansi to Each One of You:
·
I
believe in growth and fulfilling of dreams.
·
I
always think success is not a destination, it is a continuous journey.
·
I
always wish to get new success and enjoy its pleasure......
Questions to Ponder ?
- Is Marriage for Woman, a Bonded Labour where she is slave to In Laws? Taking care of elders is justified but how can you justify bringing a daughter in law just to earn money for you, cook and clean and even separate her from her husband spoiling her married life? #Duties expected from a Daughter In Law
- I have married my son, now why should I cook ? Is this part of brutual societal thinking we are living in? A country where women, Grehlaxmi was worshiped, is now being cursed? Where are we heading to? Do you become old (Mother in Law) as soon as your son gets married? #Expectation Mismatch Mother In Laws.
- "Your daughter does not do this, she does not cook well, she does not make round paranthas....... " Is Girls father an object of mockery and humiliation ? What if same thing happen to Boys father someday with Girls family complaining the same way? Are we Humans even with such mentality. #Cribing & Complains of Bahu.
- " Suna nahi tha kiya, apna bacha saath le jana hum nahi rakhenge" You want money from a money munching machine called Daughter In Law but could not take care of your Ghar ka Chirag - your own Grandsons ? Then how can you think they will take care of you ? Is Win Win give away, isn't it Mother In Law? #Role of Grand Parents. #Money Matters
- 'Life goes on, I want to fly high........ ' How many of us - women in same soup think positively. Yes It's not easy but it's not Hard too. Share your inputs and your story when you passed the Test of Life successfully as Maansi. #Success #Will Power of Woman
- Do You relate with the story or has seen atmosphere and behaviour of such nature? If yes, let's be part of a Change Movement to Change the Mindset which has been set due to Slave Mentality was suffered with Britishers. #Change Maker
